Parenting one child is challenging enough, but parenting twins brings a whole new set of considerations and difficulties. In this guide, we’ll look into the major twin parenting challenges and tips for coping with difficult stages and balancing the needs of two kids at once.
Having twins is a nightmare
For some parents, the early newborn months with twins felt like a never-ending nightmare. Between feedings, diapers, constant crying, and little sleep, the early days can push even the most patient parent to their breaking point. Here are a few reasons why newborn twins are so challenging:
- Double the work: With twins, everything is doubled – feedings, nap times, diaper changes, bath times, etc. Juggling the needs and schedules of two infants at once is no easy feat.
- Lack of sleep: Newborns need to eat every 2-3 hours around the clock. With twins, you may be waking up every 1-1.5 hours through the night to feed and care for both babies. The severe sleep deprivation can take a serious toll on parents’ mental and physical health.
- Coordinating care: It’s tricky to soothe one crying baby while also feeding, burping, or tending to the other. Making sure both babies get adequate individual attention and care during feedings, changes, and other times is challenging.
- Around-the-clock responsibility: Caring for two newborns requires a huge time commitment. Unlike a single where parents can take occasional breaks, around-the-clock twin parenting leaves little room for rest or help from others.
The newborn months test even the strongest parents. With support, a good sleep/feeding schedule, and realistic expectations, you can get through the early nightmare stage. But it undoubtedly takes its toll both physically and mentally.
Having twins has ruined my life
Some parents of multiples understandably feel their lives have been totally upended and ruined by twins. Here are some reasons why parenting twins leads some to feel this way:
- Loss of freedom & identity: Going from carefree to responsible for two infants 24/7 is a huge transition. It’s common to miss aspects of your pre-baby identity and lifestyle. Spontaneity goes out the window.
- Financial strain: The costs of caring for twins, like diapers, clothing, childcare, and a larger home, are significantly more. Many families have to juggle expenses or quit jobs to stay home.
- Relationship/marriage issues: Coping with newborn twins is very stressful and can negatively impact spouses. Resentment, less communication, and feelings of being overwhelmed are common. This risks damaging the relationship.
- Isolation: It’s difficult to socialize while caring for two newborns alone. Some parents feel they have to choose between spending quality time with each child or engaging with other people. Lack of adult interaction and support increases loneliness.
- Depression/regret: Between lack of sleep, limited outside help, and perpetual exhaustion, some parents of multiples are at higher risk for postpartum depression. Feelings of regret, being trapped, and loss of control over one’s life aren’t uncommon.
While having twins is a drastic change, it’s important to recognize these negative feelings are quite normal and temporary for most parents going through this huge transition. With help, self-care, and support, few parents ultimately feel their life is actually “ruined.” The early challenges usually fade over the first year.
Disadvantages of having twins
While there are positives like double the love and fun potential of having two children close in age, there are also definite disadvantages parents of twins must contend with:
- Double the cost: Raising twins means double the expenses for everything from diapers to childcare to college education. This can place a huge financial strain on families.
- Lack of individual attention: It’s hard to juggle quality one-on-one bonding time with each twin. Twins’ individual needs, interests, and development may suffer compared to singleton parenting. Sibling rivalry can potentially develop.
- Higher health risks: Twins face increased risks for preterm birth, being underweight at birth, neurological impairments, and other health issues. Special medical needs further complicate caregiving and finances.
- Twin-to-twin syndrome (TTTS): In identical twins, TTTS may occur in utero and lead to serious vascular complications requiring treatment. Rates for TTTS afflict twins in approximately 15% of cases.
- Coordination challenges: Whether dressing, feeding, diaper changes or playtime, everything with twins requires extra coordination. Tasks that were once simple now need careful synchronization.
- Less personal freedom Going from caring for one child to two restricts parents’ ability to freely socialize, work, or travel without reliable backup childcare assistance or support system.
- Increased stress and fatigue: Juggling the schedules, needs, and personalities of multiple exacts high mental and physical exhaustion on parents. Stress compounds other disadvantages like relationship issues.
Managing these downsides requires extra effort, self-care, organization, and community help. But many parents agree the rewards make it worthwhile.
How to raise twin boys and girls
Gender-mixed twins present their own set of parenting challenges compared to same-sex twins. Here are some tips for raising boy-girl twin combinations effectively:
Set boundaries early
Establish from the start what behaviors and activities are appropriate based on gender. Address modesty, privacy, and physical affection to minimize confusion. Maintain parity in discipline between siblings.
Manage interests and roles
Expose twins to a range of interests regardless of gender. Avoid labels like “tomboy” or criticism if interests don’t align with gender stereotypes. Stress individuality over comparisons.
Prepare for puberty sensitively
Discuss bodily changes proactively and respect developmentally-appropriate modesty/privacy needs as puberty starts. Monitor for inappropriate behaviors and address twin relationships professionally as needed.
Encourage cooperative play
Supervise play frequently to model inclusive behaviors and discourage meanness or “bossiness”. Praise cooperation over competition. Offer toys and games appealing to both genders.
Cultivate empathy and respect
Teach twins to appreciate differences in interests/preferences without shame or teasing. Promote caring about one another over comparisons. Mediate disputes respectfully to reinforce care, not competition.
Involve them in shared activities
Find cooperative activities like sports, arts, music, or volunteering to build on natural bonds while respecting individual talents. Balance group time with same-sex affiliations outside the home.
With patience, clear limits, and support, parents can successfully raise opposite-sex twins with self-esteem intact by nurturing their shared bond as well as individual characteristics. Consistent guidance pays off in the long term.
Advantages of having twins
Caring for two infants at once clearly has disadvantages. However, multiples also offer benefits that become more evident as the years pass:
Instant playmates
Twins typically enjoy a natural lifelong companionship from infancy onward. They can rely on each other for company, entertainment, and emotional support throughout childhood and beyond.
Economies of scale
After the initial double costs of infancy, many twin-raising expenses like clothing, toys, and activities can be shared. Child care may cost less than caring for two singletons years apart.
Milestone joy times two
Parents experience the delights of critical “firsts” from smiles to steps to words twice in rapid succession. While more exhausting in the short term, twins pace developmental stages.
Double the snuggles
For affectionate parents, the ability to cuddle, play, and dote on two babies delivers joy that counterbalances infant stress. Many “twin moms” say they can’t imagine life without their pairs.
Outnumbering after infancy
Once the twin pair can depend on each other, they outnumber frazzled parents. Having twins helps the shift to empowering independence sooner than singletons.
More helper hands as they grow
Twinning teaches cooperation, sharing, and teamwork from day one. As children mature, twins can be of genuine assistance to one another, while siblings years apart might not.
Unique social experiences
Sharing friends, trips, sports teams, and interests creates memories and relationships that single-child dynamics can’t replicate. Many adults cherish their twin bond.
While the early days are difficult, twin parenting rewards parents with double the charm and a lifelong sibling bond that enriches family life in ways parenting singletons does not.
FAQs
Is having twins a blessing?
For many parents, twins initially feel overwhelming but eventually become the greatest blessing. While exhausting, twins also provide benefits like an instant companion and playmate for children. Studies show that twins tend to develop stronger social skills and self-esteem than singletons, thanks to their relationship.
How do you survive raising twins?
Raising twins takes extensive planning, organization, and asking for help. Parents must pre-make meals, choreograph routines to care for twins’ simultaneous needs efficiently, and use resources like baby carriers. It’s also crucial to find time for self-care by taking shifts or having family/friends assist periodically. Maintaining a united parental front and teamwork is key to surviving the challenges together.
What is the hardest part of raising twins?
The hardest part of raising twins varies depending on the stage. In infancy, it’s often the severe sleep deprivation and round-the-clock care demands while juggling two babies. In toddlerhood, intense twin tantrums and territorial fights can be trying. During the teenage years, monitoring twin relationships and encouraging individual identities poses challenges. Overall, striking a balance between twin bonding and respecting each other as individuals requires continual effort.
Are twins more difficult to raise?
While singletons have their own difficulties, research shows raising twins is statistically more challenging in some ways. Twins bring double everything – expenses, work, health risks. Juggling two babies/children and their simultaneous needs is taxing. Twins also require extra parenting skills to cultivate their individuality while nurturing their special bond. However, the rewards of witnessing twin development and lifelong closeness outweigh these difficulties for most parents in the long run.
What is the hardest part about being a twin mom?
For twin moms, constant exhaustion from sleep deprivation, round-the-clock feedings/care demands, and juggling twins’ schedules is extremely difficult, especially in infancy. Finding time for self-care, maintaining sanity, and meeting all family members’ needs poses an ongoing challenge. It can also be hard coping with the non-stop noise/energy of twins and ensuring both children receive quality one-on-one attention and parenting despite competing demands. Advocating for twins’ individualism also requires persistence as a twin mom.
At what age are twins the hardest?
Most parents agree twins are hardest during the newborn and toddler stages:
- Newborn (0-6 months): Around-the-clock care demands, severe sleep deprivation, and difficulties soothing two crying babies take a heavy physical/emotional toll on parents.
- Toddler (1-3 years): Twins’ lack of verbal communication skills increases frustration during tantrums which often occur simultaneously. Terrible twos are compounded by twins testing boundaries and energetic high needs at this stage.
However, the pre-teen and teenage years bring renewed challenges like twin relationship changes, individual developmental milestones, and greater independence that need to be balanced between two adolescents. Overall, patience and flexibility are needed at every age when raising twins.
Which twin is more dominant?
It varies – some twins assert clear dominance over toys, food, or parental attention from an early age. However, most twin relationships see alternating periods where one leads versus one follows depending on individual strengths, confidence, parental influence, or day-to-day moods. Parental encouragement of cooperative, compassionate traits can minimize dominance issues. Shared interests and parental modeling of mutual respect help twins view each other as allies versus competitors. Overall, twin dominance is a natural tendency eased by unconditional love and guidance reinforcing their unique bond.